HE WHO LOSES FAITH LOSES ALL

Bye Bye Blogspot

2006-04-29T18:16:00.001+03:00

Hello All I have taken my posts and gifts from bloggers and moved to Fluenthoughts. Please pay me a visit :) Thank you for Bloboz for making it possible :) THANK YOU B.Oz :)

أبي أنام

2006-04-22T20:40:00.000+03:00

I can't sleep I can't breathe well I drink coffee and never get the fix My head aches, my stomach aches, my brain aches I read, read, read, read and read To not think I close the book and start to think I read, read, read, read and read I stray while I read and think I try to concentrate on reading I read I close the book and try to sleep, no use It's already 3:00 am and am still awake It's already Fajer prayer and am still awake I wash and pray I go back to bed I sleep I wake up at 6:00 am I shower, change, have coffee and leave Am sleepy, my mode is awful Am all awful My day is awful I hate it when it's awful I think awful I eat awful I breathe awful All week is awful Sleepless Head aches Busy mind I hate busy mind I want to sleep

Broken Tongue (First Try)

2006-04-21T21:11:00.000+03:00

Talking is a daily progress, a necessary need in life, one major communication tool. "Hello, I would like to order one thin crispy Halloumi pizza with tomato" "Hi, I am Ms. Al …., and would like to apply for a job in your company" "Three tickets for Ace Age, please" "I need the bank's average rate for 17 April" "Could I have a smaller size please?" "One tall latte please" She told her parents about the speech therapist visiting her at school and wanting to talk to her about her stammer; they called school next day and asked them how they could do such a thing without their permission. Mrs. Shaikha was shocked "Why permission? We are trying to help your daughter"; What Mrs. Shaikha didn't know is that she has raised it as a problem, the girl didn't think of it as a problem as she does now because of the way it was treated before, her therapist would observe her in class and tell her teachers how to deal with her without the need of taking her out of class, without the need of her feeling she is different than others. Her parents refused and told Mrs. Shaikha that they will help their daughter their way. She has always thought that her stammer was permanent and managed to cope with it, few tears when angry or frustrated and all will be good. He was sitting in the opposite side of the table staring at her. She looks at the people sitting to her side and motions to them to see this guy staring at her in a strange freaky way. He would not stop staring, until it's time to leave. they all get out of the room and she searches for her shoes which she left at the door step; while she does that they all leave except for him, it's when he gets his knife out of his pocket and hold her arms tight, she tries to escape but her legs wouldn't move, she tries to call for help but her voice wouldn't come out, she tries to close her eyes, but her eyes wouldn't close, he puts his knife on her throat wanting to kill her, she feels her blood moving through her vessels, she hears her breath so clear and her heart beats so high. She wants it all to stop; she wants to die before his knife cutting her throat. Please don’t kill me. Though she has been having this dream since she could remember, and though she knows what will happen next, she would always wake up terrified. She has this dream when ever her stammer gets to its peak. Days past and even months since her parents called Mrs. Shaikha, life is getting better and her homesickness is reducing, she made new friends and started socializing with people but her stammer is getting worse and worse until it got to its highest level. Her parents thought that she should start therapy; they started calling people and asking for good therapists; they first called a friend of theirs who works as psychological therapist who had a stammering son who doesn't stammer anymore to see if there is any possible psychological problem that could have caused her stammer; but fortunately or maybe unfortunately there wasn't. They then thought that she should meet a speech therapist; she refused; but her family insisted and told her that she will not lose a thing. She went with them to meet her, her parents told her about their daughter's history with stammer. She then asked them to leave her alone with their daughter. "Hello" "Hi" with an uncertain smile "Tell me about your life" "It's good" "Do you go to school?" "Yes" "How are your grades?" "Good" "How good are they?" "Very good" Her answers were all short, direct to the question, and in the other hand the therapist doesn't know how to attract an angry stammering teenager to a nice long conversation. So she got fed up with her and told her to call her parents in and wait out side. In their way home her parents told her that the therapist told them that she is not a stammerer and that she is faking it. The daughter was very angry and wanted to cry badly; how could she fake her pain, tears, suffer, years of hesitating before asking a question or participating in a conversation. How could she fake it knowing that some would laugh at her or ridicule her talk; years of losing breath, chest pain and wet pillows. How in God could she fake it? "I wish that she would suffer the highest stammer ever for the rest of her life" "Don't say that dear" said her father "I wish that she loses her tongue and all her senses" "Don't worry dear; we don't believe her" her mum crying Her first try was one of the worst tries. To be continued

Broken Tongue (The brave coward)

2006-04-16T22:15:00.000+03:00

School was one of her favourite places she enjoyed education, loved math, and interested in history. She wouldn’t mind raising her hand and stammering while answering or explaining things; her teachers never made her feel that it was a problem. She was 13 when they moved to her claimed home; new house, new people, new culture, new facts, new life style and a new school. School was the major problem beside her mother's illness and travelling for a surgery and recovery. School oh school; in this country schools are nothing but miserable centres where education comes last; she, her brothers and sister have attended different schools private and public, Arabic and English; none of them were good to be called an education centre. She hated her new school; she hated her teachers except for one. She was behaving as she used to; a good student in math she was, it was her favourite subject; in one of her math classes, her teacher explained a theory to them and showed them how to solve some problems using it; she then wrote a question on the board and asked them to solve it; the girl figured that she could solve it in three steps instead of five; math teacher told her it was wrong and marked it wrong with a red pen. Then the teacher showed them how to solve it, and for her surprise it was the same result at the end, so the brave cowered raised her hand, "Yes?" asked the teacher "I have the same result" stumbling her words out; "You did it in three steps and it should be in five" replied irritated; "but this is an easier way that I have discovered, and it needs less steps yet with the same result" said the brave coward. "So you come from a foreign country being so proud of you self telling me how to do my job" shouted the teacher at her; no one have ever shouted at her like that, at her old school they would have granted her for her creative way. She was shocked and scared of her teacher's attitude, she tried to explain but her stammer flew to it's peak, her words would not come out easily and her teacher was telling her to shut up; but as a stubborn stammer and a very brave coward she was, she can't stop before completing her sentence which she started saying before her teacher told her to shut up; it is when her teacher told her to go the social supervisor's office. While walking the social supervisor's office she was saying in an audible voice "I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, and I hate her" and her tears were covering her face. She came to her office and knocked the door "Come in" "Good morning Mrs. Shaikha" "Hi, were you crying?" "NO" "Ok, why are you here?" "My math teacher sent me to you" "Why?" "I don't know". She waited there for her math teacher to arrive and explain things to Mrs. Shaikha. The teacher arrived and Mrs. Shaikha told the girl to stay outside for a while; the math teacher started explaining things to Mrs. Shaikha in a very loud voice "This little girl is teaching me how to do my job; she thinks that she is smarter than me because she lived in a foreign country, I had to show her how to behave good and to teach her manners". "Yup yup yup she's crazy alright" the girl said to her self in a audible voice, it's when some one from behind her said "Who is crazy?"; the girl was so scared that she couldn't recognize the voice; luckily it was Mrs. Elham the English teacher who unfortinatley wasn't her teacher, "hahaha you scared me; it's my math teacher". The girl told Mrs. Elham what happened. Mrs. Elham solved the problem according to her definition of solving; but the brave cowered wasn’t pleased; she went home and told her father what happened, which she never did before, she never told him or her mother when she was bothered of peoples behaviour towards her stammer, but her teacher said big words about her needing to behave good and needs to be taught manners. "I don't want to go to school any more, and I will not until this teacher dies" "I will go to your school tomorrow morning and talk to your teacher" "Go alone, I'm not going with you" "Until when?" "Until I feel I want to". She stayed at home for one month; I don't remember what made her go back to school, but remember Mrs. Elham hugging her and kissing her on both cheeks. At her first day of coming back Mrs. Shaikha asked her to come to her office, because there's someone who wants to meet her. The girl went and there was a lady sitting in her office talking to Mrs. Shaikha. "This is Mrs. Nora, she wants to talk with you for a while; come sit over here, and I will leave the office for you two to talk". "Hi I'm Mrs. Nora" "Hi" "Come sit" "Okay" "Now tell me, how is school?" "Fine" "How are your grades?" "Don't know, just started" Stumbling her words out "Hmmm, do you do that all the time?" "Do what?" "Stammer when you talk" "aha" "I'm here to solve that" "solve what?" "Your stammer" No reply "Now you have to tell me when it started" "Does my family know about you talking to me about it?" "No, but Mrs. Shaikha will tell them later" "Sorry then I can't talk to you" "But I'm here to help you" The brave coward stood up and went to her class. To be continued

Broken Tongue (Good girl)

2006-04-13T20:19:00.000+03:00

“I will throw you a party and let you wear the blue dress your aunt sent you”. “I will invite all of your friends”. She was really happy about it but wasn’t sure that she could do what her mother asked as an alteration for this party. She tried her best to do. She did it the hard way, a 7 years old girl holding her tongue all day, not talking to prove to her mother that she could be fluent; which wasn’t true. She only kept her mouth shut for one day. On Saturday morning she woke up early and wasn’t sure if it was a dream or reality, until her mother started preparing for the party. She went upstairs to try her dress on; a long blue and white dress that she thought that only a princess would have a dress like that. She was still not sure about the party, she had many questions but was afraid to ask, a question may ruin her party if she didn’t ask it properly with a fluent tongue. Her friends started to come; they all were amazed with her princess dress; she was so proud to be the princess of the party; she ruled the place and the eyes were all on her. She took all the attention of the guests. She played all day and had fun. One of the kids asked her: “There are no candles on the cake. Isn’t it your birthday?” “No” she said; “Then why this party?”. “Go ask my mother” she said it, thinking it was a good opportunity to know the reason her self. They both went to her mother; the friend asked her, and the mother answered “Because she has been a good girl” and winked to her daughter. Her mother had suffered a lot with her daughter; she felt her pain and wanted badly to take it all away, but as a human with limited powers she couldn’t. She would rarely talk to her daughter about her stammer thinking that her daughter is not comfortable when talking about it. When her daughter’s stammer gets to its peak, the daughter prefers to be mute yet have to talk sometimes specially with her family it’s when the mother breaks down crying in front of her daughter. “W---W---Why are you c—c—c---crying?” “I miss my family dear” “W—W----” loses her breath; inhales trying to get enough air “W---We are your fffffffffff---fffamily” “Yes you are” The daughter knows that her mother is hurt because of her; but a girl in her age would only think that she was the reason for those tears and pain not knowing that her mother felt sorry for her and that she cried because she can’t do any thing to reduce her daughter’s suffering. She only knew that good girls never stammer. To be continued

Broken Tongue (Disney and Warner)

2006-04-11T11:52:00.000+03:00

In winter it snows at her place, their back yard would be covered with snow, thick, white and cold, she and her brother would wear their coats and gloves and make a snowman by the help of their mother. They would put buttons as his eyes and a stick as his nose. When it starts snowing again they go inside and search in their VHSs for a good movie. They usually choose Mary Poppins or L’apperentie Sorciere, Musical movies, full of magic and other worlds. They sing and dance with the characters and act as if they were not in their living room, not in their house, not in this world. She was 5 at the time she discovered another world, the world of where she could talk not fluent yet she wasn't bothered by her talk; she started adding some characters to her world and joins her brother sometimes. Her world was every where, at home, at class, in the playground, when watching TV, when listening to a story or reading a book. In her world she had a friend called Casper who would come for her rescue when ever she needed. Everything in her world could talk and fly except for her, she could jump high, dance as a ballerina, and talk as a mild stammerer. She would talk so much in her world that the caterpillars would call her "chatterbox". Her mild stammer was obscure, which made her think for a while that she was fluent as others. At six they had to move south where she started attending in a new school. In her class some kids were mean and started calling her Porky the pig; it's when she went to her world searching for Casper who refused to come and help her. She started being aggressive; once she pushed a girl on the ground and another time she pulled one's hair. If her tongue couldn't defend her, her hands could, she thought. Her teachers were so nice with her and never forced her to read loud, she would only read in a group and only if she felt like it. But they never gave her an important rule in school plays thinking that she might spoil the show and not knowing that acting was never a problem to her. She felt jealous of the other kids and wanted badly to take a rule in a play but she never said that to any. She would instead do those rules in front of the mirror with her imaginary friends and brother. Her talking disorder produced other habits that would accompany her talk. Squeezing her hands and lips, shaking her head, stamping her feet and closing her eyes tight, were habits that would accompany her talk to force her words out. Talking quickly until loosing her breath which caused for losing her voice at the end of every sentence would make her repeat it again. Switching words and saying something but meaning another, asking for something but wanting something else were other habits produced by her disorder.

One morning Billy’s mother sent him for lemons, and he returned with a purchase of oranges. Why, she wanted to know, did he bring oranges instead of lemon? “Because the man didn’t have any lemon” said Billy. Whereupon she determined to return the oranges herself and give the grocer a piece of her mind. She went and Billy started after her with fear- stricken eyes. Then he hid him self in the bedroom. “Billy” she said, quite beside herself with anger, when she returned, “Why did you lie to me?”. A flood of pent up tears rushed down Billy’s cheeks. The mother gathered him in her arms. “Come, son” she consoled “Tell your mother your mother what is the matter” she knows her little man wouldn’t deliberately story to her. And Billy, amid violent sobs, said “I couldn’t say the words” Abraham H. Kanter & Abe S. Kohn – And The Stutterer Talked

To be continued

Broken Tongue (Making Friends)

2006-04-09T19:52:00.000+03:00

Shakir was the first to approach her "Hi, would you be my friend?" "Yes" she replied in a tinny voice that was barely heard. She began to talk more often and respond to other kids yet not much to her teacher. The more she talked the more breath she lost, the more pain in her chest she got, and more words were blocked. She didn't like the feeling she had when finishing her talk and wanted to say her words again, in a proper way, but eventually she will get the same results. She still didn't care much and started making friends. She, Shakir and two girls made a group until one day one of the girls told her that she can't play with her anymore because her mother said if she keeps playing with her she will start talking funny, like her. The two girls left the group fearing to catch the habit; Shakir remained being her friend and didn't care about her funny talk. To get rid of the bad feeling she gets after each conversation, she started repeating her words to her self non-obviously; for her surprise they came out smoothly with no blocking. She started trying things that will stop her from blocking. Talking to her self worked, talking to the mirror worked, talking to her toys worked, talking to the pigeons out side her window worked, and talking to the words written in her parents books worked. She discovered then that only talking to humans didn't work. To be continued

Broken Tongue

2006-04-07T19:23:00.000+03:00

Once upon a time; there was a mute little girl who started talking little words only when needed and chose to be silent when ever she needed. Years past and she remained mute until the age of four when she first went to kindergarten. It’s when she and her family realized that she has a speech disorder, it’s when she was obliged to talk and to say words when she is not ready to say, it was not her choice, it wasn’t the time she chose to say it. Words just won’t come out; they would reach her tongue yet never out of her mouth no matter how hard had she tried. She didn’t understand why, but didn’t care much at that time. She just chose to be mute and talk only when she feels like it. The teacher would talk to her and she would not respond, she would say nothing. To be continued

NO !

2006-04-05T21:54:00.000+03:00

This game is beyond my ability.

Fish For Sale

2006-04-02T20:01:00.000+03:00

In that bag !

pixel talk

2006-04-01T20:26:00.000+03:00

Horror

2006-03-28T21:46:00.000+03:00

I'm scared and terrified, can't close my eyes, don't want to see what it is; I'm cold, I'm freezing, I'm shacking. So scared that I can't even cry, shout or call for help. My throat is dry like a rock, water is on my side yet far. It's getting near, nearer and so close that I can feel its breath, I get up and try to run but my feet are betraying me. I don't want to see it any more, but my eyes will not close. I fear it more and more. I want my lungs to stop breathing, want my heart to stop beating; I want my blood to stop moving through my vessels. It won't. It's their cutting my throat with its knife, yet I am still alive, my eyes are open and terrified.

Highest limits

2006-03-26T20:26:00.000+03:00

It was huger than they are and flying way above them, it is stronger as it thought, but for some reason it fell down on the sand and couldn’t get up again. They are tiny it thought, they will never harm me it thought, I will rest to bring my strength back. But it never did because they need no strength, they need not to be big, they only need to be able to do. They ate it alive

The strategy of crying

2006-03-25T20:22:00.000+03:00

You cry when you are sad, happy, depressed, excited or in pain. Your tears drop when your tear glands are open. To cry with tears is to find the way to match crying with tears. How to do that? Easy... When you get one of those feelings; chop an onion.

The end

2006-03-22T20:37:00.001+03:00

Once upon a time there was a little girl her name was Unknown, her life ended without any one knowing how it began. Once upon a time there was a little girl her name was Unknown, that had no life and it never ended because it never began. Once upon a time there was a little girl her name was Unknown, her life ended as it began. Once upon a time there was a little girl her name was Someone, her life started from birth; she lived, worked, achieved then died. Once upon a time there was a little girl her name was Unknown, that was born, lived, then died Once upon a time on a planet called earth, lived humans together in peace all were happy and pleased; that was Someone’s dream.

My new career

2006-03-17T20:40:00.000+03:00

I am going to change my career after what I have discovered in me; I did something that could change my life forever I did something that I never knew that I could do. I can cook .. I am going to be a chef. Look At What I Have Cooked

Pride

2006-03-13T21:14:00.000+03:00

Either Male or Female we are born. Two genders with different specialties and different responsibilities. Females is what I am going to write about; the gentle and beautiful gender. A female is lucky to not having the Y chromosome. Some might think that a female is the one judged in this community and for that she has less chances of living a normal life; the life that she wishes to be equal with males in but that should not be because in that we would lose alot of our feminine specs. Being the beautiful creature makes us the ones to be protected and taken care of; it is our weakness that makes us special in many ways. I like it when my father shows me how much I need him in my life, how much he is worried about me and how much he care in keeping my reputation clean as a clear Diamond it is because as he once said “A female is like a diamond the clearer it is the higher price it is”. A female should maintain that clearness in her by taking care of her self and giving her man the chance to do as well. Some might think that guys has more benefits and are more free in living their lives as they want and never being judged as we. But truly a guy is nothing but a beautiful peacock that has beautiful coloured feathers which is there to distract the enemies from his female.

Shooka has arrived

2006-03-12T17:19:00.000+03:00

Today at nearly 7 am someone was knocking on my bedroom's door. "Come in" I said in a loud voice. "Shooka has arrived" my mum said in a voice filled with excite. "Oh; really. At last she's here" "I am going now to see her, do you want to go with me" "But I have to be in office at 8 am" I paused for a while then said "What ever; work can wait". Shooka has arrived I went with my mum and picked my sister from her house to go meet Shooka. My mum calls her family and tells them that Shooka has arrived; my sister calls her in laws and friends to tell them that Shooka has arrived; I called Ra-1 earlier and told her that Shooka has arrived. Shooka has arrived We arrived there at 8: 00 am; my brother was there hours before we arrived; he was so happy and confused at the same time; I guess he couldn't believe that Shooka really did arrive. He hugged my mum and nearly cried but as a Middle Eastern man his tears were hidden to not be shown in public. Shooka has arrived There she is; rapped in a white blanket, laying in bed near her exhausted mum. She has my brother's eyes, mouth and chin, and her mother's nose. Shooka has arrived

Religion studies

2006-03-10T19:56:00.000+03:00

Boodi always finds his own awkward explanations for things and life matters. And I have to admit that that makes him special and different in a good way. He thinks and find his own conclusions that sounds crazy sometimes, but hey he made the effort of thinking at least; that many adults don't do. Once my mum and dad were both calling him, but he went to my father first, it's when my mum sort of felt jealous and said "You should come to your mum first and then your father" "said who?" he replays "The Prophet PBUH repeated “your mum” three times then said your father" she said "Well that doesn't mean that you should be first; it means that it's you only three times and my father the rest of my life" he said. My poor mum was shocked with his unexpected response. One night as my mum always did, she read them a story and this time it was the Prophet Mohammed PBUH story, she reached the part when Gabriel went to the Prophet in Hira'a grotto where he dictated the Qura'an to him for the first time. "So Gabriel teaches the Prophet the Qura'an and he will memorize it forever and never forgets it" Boodi interrupting mum "Yes sweet heart" mum replays "Then let him come to me and teach me; because I always forget when you teach me". I hope that he never thinks of being a religion studies teacher in his life. John and Bugz, Boodi's little friends

Lick your wound

2006-02-27T20:05:00.000+03:00

You're wounded You're bleeding You're suffering and aching Who cares? Your wound is tended You think you're convalescing And pain remaining is symptoms of recovering It's not Those words of tender "I feel you" "Just tell me and I'll help you go through" "I care, I feel and will always be there for you" Not true It’s you that will always be there for you Take care of you

Big hug

2006-02-26T19:43:00.000+03:00

I sat on the edge of his bed looking at him and contemplating his features. His eyes were gently closed; the blanket was covering his body, shoulders and chin. He was resting his cheek on his right hand. He woke up but still closing his eyes pretending to be a sleep; his eyes were tightened, his breathing wasn't relaxed. I call his name and he smiles, opens his eyes and say "Good morning sweet sister", "Good morning little dolphin" I say. He opens his arms for me; I bend forward for him to hug me. He used to call me mama but started to call me by my name later on; while I am nineteen years older than him, I treat him as a son. What mostly hurts is him telling me that I am not his mum. It makes me want to cry; how childish I am, I know. But I can't handle that feeling in a wiser way. Once my mum travelled to her family for a week; I was a student in University at that time, and he was 8 months old; so I had to be a full time mummy. I skipped all classes for the whole week and stayed at home taking care of him. It was my favourite week. Since he was 4 he started to give me a greeting card that he did in every Valentines Day; this year at February 14 I went home after work expecting to find a card on my bed; but it was on my mother's bed instead. I 'm not his mum, I’ve never been. He hugs me tight, and says "Do you want a bigger hug" "No thank you; that was big enough" I say.

The Northern Tag

2006-02-03T09:36:00.000+03:00

Sever (The northern colour) tagged me :) 8 points of my perfect partner: 1. I 2. Want 3. Him 4. Exactly 5. Like 6. My 7. Dear 8. Father

Still Smiling

2006-02-01T18:48:00.000+03:00

I still struggle when I stammer But do act as if I don't I pretend that I don't care And sometimes feel that I don't Is it true that I don't? Or is it not and I do? This is a riddle that I don't want to solve.

"Tomorrow" I love you

2006-01-29T21:59:00.000+03:00

My future is a dream; every single step of my future is a dream by it self, I have thought of all what will happen, nothing I have missed. This year, next year, the year after, and after, and after. All in papers and mind all ready to take a role in reality.It will be a great show; many countries, cultures, smiley faces, tons of tears and laughter, music, dances, many Everests will be climbed, many walls will be knocked down, snow and sun; thunder and rain, beaches and forests, planes, ships, trains, horses, seagulls. I have many scenarios for how things will happen. I really wish that my future will be something different than all my scenarios; something much better. I love tomorrow. Tomorrow is my favourite day. It’s hope, it’s future, it’s the unknown. Life is always about what’s going to happen tomorrow. Tomorrow is what I could make. Tomorrow is the day with no regret because it’s never here. Tomorrow is “my dreams coming true”.

Talk

2006-01-27T12:01:00.000+03:00

What are they talking about?

يوميات حجيه

2006-01-24T18:33:00.000+03:00

7 Jan 2006

Arrived at King Fahad – Dammam Air port at 10 am.

The flight navigated at 12:30 pm to Taif ; it was a Turkish flight rented by Saudi airways.

We arrived at Taif at 3:04 pm and headed by bus to Mecca. It took us more than 4 hours to arrive to our destination.

We reached what they call a camp; it was a big wedding hall. Not a pleasant place at all. Too many people, sleeping together in one big hall. I felt like a refugee, not a pleasant feeling.

I had a shower accepting the water to be at least warm; but for my surprise it was freezing. I paid for something better.

They have served dinner; I don’t feel like eating, I will see what my cousin says about their food.

My cousin didn’t eat any, and took a pringouls pack out of her bag instead (Seems she didn’t like the food).

It’s 11:30 pm now and I have to get ready to go do my Omra. Hope it goes well.

8 Jan 2006

12:15 am we left the camp and went to the holy mosque to do our Omra.

2:00 am we reached the holy mosque. GOD WHERE DID THOSE COME FROM was my reaction. TO MANY PEOPLE; ALL IN ONE PLACE.

We made our Tawaf through the big crowd; it was really hard and exhausting. The guys (My brother and two of my Saudi cousins) surrounded us (Me; my cousin, my cousin’s wife, my uncle’s wife) from three different parts to make sure that we don’t separate.

We finished the Tawaf at 4:30 am after that we went to the roof to do our saáie because it was impossible to do it down stairs or at the first floor.

We finished at 6:03 am, at that time my strength finished.

It was already Fajer prayers time. We couldn’t find a place inside so we went out side and found a place for three where seven of us prayed.

After finishing and cutting our way through the crowd we went to our bus stop to find out that our bus didn’t arrive yet. We rented a mini bus and went to our camp.

We reached the camp at 7:30 am. I don’t remember what happened but I remember me waking up at 9:00 am.

Had a freezing shower; a cup of coffee that my cousin made for me and called my mum.

We spent the rest of that day sleeping, drinking coffee, drinking juice and praying.

My cousin’s wife tried to eat something from the lunch buffet; she had hummus and kebab, 15 minutes later she was crying from her stomach. It was food poisoning. There was a doctor at the group but she only had Panadol and antibiotics. My uncle’s wife had her pharmacy with her; she gave her a medicine and she recovered.

9 Jan 2006

It’s 1:00 am and I’m coughing a lot; I couldn’t sleep and am disturbing others. I will go out and make me a cup of coffee.

It’s Fajir prayer time and I’m still awake. I washed, prayed and got ready to leave to Arafat.

We reached Arafat at 8:30 am. The group served breakfast; me and my partners had cookies and coffee. I spread my sleep bag and went in a deep sleep. I woke up at 10:30 am washed and started reading Quraán (Surat Al Noor).

Before Dhuher (Noon) Prayer Al Asheikh started the Arafat Khotbah (Speech). After that we prayed Dhuher and Asser (Afternoon) Prayers together.

We started praying to god and asking him for many things. At first I thought that time will not pass fast, and that I will get bored before sunset. But time passed so fast without me noticing.

It took us 3 hours to reach Mozdalefa which was next door. At Mozdalefa the 7 buses of the group made a big circle surrounding us. We were breathing Dezil all the time.

Me, my cousin, my cousin’s wife and our new friend went to collect stones to through them at Mina.

10 Jan 2006

At nearly 12:30 am we returned to where our group had settled in Muzdalifa; to be surprised that most of the women were a sleep (Deep sleep). Lucky them they could sleep where ever their heads settle.

We started counting our stones. I collected 154 stones; I took what I need and kept the rest for my brother.

At 2:15 am we went to our buses to go to the Holy mosque. I had a mild asthma attack.

We went to the Holy mosque to do Tawaf Al Efadha; the guys suggested doing it down stairs. “No” was my reply; so they suggested that we try and if I couldn’t we go upstairs. Two steps were enough for me to start shouting “I will die; I can’t breath”.

We went to the first floor where there were less people and more air.

We finished early so we sat waiting for Fajer (Dawn) prayer. We prayed and went to the bus stop waiting for our bus that didn’t arrive as usual. We took a mini bus and went to the camp.

We arrived at 7:30 am. Had a freezing shower. Slept for two hours. Woke up but still sleeping (شلون؟ ما أدري).

I had to cut my hair; I took a scissor out of my bag hold apart of my hair and cut it off, another part and cut it off. It was the worst hair cut I’ve ever had :/

Went to wash and prayed. Went to sleep again because as we have been told earlier that we will go to Mina at 2:30 pm. I slept only for 30 minutes before this annoying lady started a religious lesson using the microphone on a high volume.

Another asthma attack started; luckily it was a mild one.

I had too much medication and I need to sleep but this annoying lady wouldn’t stop talking. My phone rang, it was my mum, I didn’t answer because I would collapse if I did.

I tried to sleep again but with no use. I got up; had a cold shower, made me and my partners coffee.

12:30 pm lunch buffet was ready at the dinning hall. My lunch was dates and milk.

At 1:30 pm I changed my clothes and got ready to go to Mina. While preparing my stuff I found out that I am out of Dettol wipes, I called my brother to go buy me some from the supermarket. “I need Dettol wipes, could you please go get me some quickly” “Why quickly; we have plenty of time” “No only 30 minutes before we leave” “Oh those clumsy people didn’t tell you” “Tell us what?” “We will not leave before 5 pm” “Oh, no one mentioned any thing about it”.

I went to ask the lady in charge for the reason of delay; and her response was “We told the men that we want to celebrate Eid then go to Mina; don’t worry we will arrive before midnight”. I didn’t like her response.

I was in tension all day; I hate to wait; we have plenty of spare time; but what do I know? It’s my first time. I closed my mouth and waited.

We left at 5:04 pm; I wasn’t feeling good at that time; my breathing was getting worse.

All buses headed to Mina. At nearly 7 pm traffic stopped moving.

I got a call at 7:30 pm from my father asking me if we finished throwing the stones or not I told him that we were stuck in traffic and that we didn’t move on time and that there was a delay to celebrate eid. “Celebrate Eid? All Kuwaiti groups have finished throwing the stones and are already in their tents in Mina” “I guess we are lucky to be with a Saudi group then; Kuwaiti groups don’t celebrate eid like we do. poor Kuwaiti groups” “Stop complaining, it was your choice, you are the one who wanted to go with your cousins. Take care and calm down”.

It was 10:40 pm and the traffic was still jammed; the bus was still stopping at the same place. No one telling us anything; I call my brother who is sitting in the front seat and ask him to ask someone to explain to us what is happening and are we going to reach Mina tonight or not.

My brother calls back “they don’t know; and they are not giving me any reasonable response” “Why don’t we go walking instead” “No; there is a tunnel that we have to cross before Mina and no way you will make it; You are asthmatic” “I can do it; I am strong enough, I will load my lungs with my inhalers and cover my nose and mouth” “”No, no” “I will go alone then” “I will call dad and tell him that you want to suicide”.

In less than 5 minutes I received a call from my father “TF calm down, You will not miss anything if you didn’t reach Mina tonight, It’s the groups fault, not yours. And I have asked if you could through today’s stones with tomorrows and they said ok” “OK” I just can’t say no to my dad :P

11 Jan 2006

12:15 am still didn’t move; my breathing is getting worse. I start loosing my temper.

A lady sitting near my cousin was listening to me, my cousin, her brother’s wife, my uncle’s wife and our new friend talking about the silly excuse of delay. When suddenly this lady starts talking “It’s men who are concerned in taking decisions” يا ليتها ما تكلت. My cousin who had lost her temper hours ago replied with a face full of anger “Oh, so we are sheeps now. They demand and we obey” “Yes” The women replays. “Yes, You are a sheep, but I am not” my cousin said in a calm voice. I was shocked at first but started laughing later.

1:30 am one of the guys in charge held the microphone and started talking. No he wasn’t apologizing for the delay; and no, he wasn’t explaining the situation to us. He was saying “I have a clue; if you solve it I will give you SAR 200”, my angry cousin replied “What about throwing your bald head with stones instead”, and unfortunately he didn’t hear her. I couldn’t stop laughing. She made my day

1:45 am the bus turned around and headed back to the camp with no explanation. How rude ?!!!!!

I was angry. No; I was really angry. No no; I was very very very angry but I was trying to control my temper to not spoil my Hajj.

When we arrived I had a freezing shower and a Yukh cup of coffee then went to bed trying to get some sleep.

Minutes from laying down a serious asthma attack started. I jumped out of bed; my cousin was searching for the doctor, she wasn’t in the camp (Lucky me). I tried to settle my breathing a little to manage taking my inhaler, I couldn’t my lips turned blue and I started loosing my strength, I tried again I took the deepest breath I could and started shouting loud (I don’t know how I did that; it never worked before), it settled a bit and then I started taking my inhaler as much as I could. I settled and started coughing and sacking; my cousin made me a cup of coffee.

I felt good but didn’t want to lay again; I was afraid that I would lose my breath if I did.

The lady in charge came to explain the reasons of delay and returning back with no explanation and may be why others didn’t take long to celebrate eid as she and her co-workers did. Well her rude response was “We didn’t make it to Mina on time because you didn’t pray enough; your intentions were not clean enough”. “Could you please SHUT UP because I need to sleep” I said; and silence it was after my valuable words.

I woke up at 6:00 am with a terrible neck pain because I was sleeping while sitting. I washed, prayed, had a cup of coffee and called my mum.

My brother called to check on me and apologize about his attitude last night, explaining that he was afraid that I might die in that tunnel. And he told me that if the group buses doesn’t move to Mina at 2:30 pm we and our partners will rent a mini bus and go alone (Good :D)

2:30 pm all buses moved to Mina; we reached there at 4:15 pm, went to the tents; didn’t go to throw the stones because it was crowded at that time. Two hours later the guys called telling us that we can go now and that the rest of the group will not be going before dinner.

We left the tents heading to our target. The streets were crowded with small tents, sleeping people, trash and street vendors. The smell was gross; my cousin who is 20 years old, very tall and heavy guy fainted. He wasn’t wearing his fume respirator. Though I was wearing two I felt dizzy; the smell was very strong, it was a killer smell.

We reached our target after nearly two hours of walking and stopping trying to wake up my cousin. To our surprise the place was empty. We threw the stones of yesterday that we have missed then threw today’s stones. Then; went back to our tents.

Mina was really polluted, bad smells were surrounding us; it was hard to breath there.

Dinner buffet was served; all women went to have dinner except for us, our friend and her mum who stayed wondering how in god they could eat in such atmosphere?

12 Jan 2006

2:30 am they told us to get ready to leave Mina; we got ready and kept waiting, waiting, waiting, I hate waiting, washed, prayed Fajir (Dawn) and waited until 7:30 am.

At last we left Mina and went to the camp. Had a freezing shower and a cup of coffee.

My brother called asking me to come out and take the donuts he bought for us. It was real donuts; real food. I had three pieces.

My mum called later to tell me about those who died while throwing the stones today noon. It was a silly accident; people went to throw the stones while carrying their small tents and luggage though there were warning signs all over the place; the signs were in all languages and with pictures for those who can’t read بس عمك أصمخ

9:30 pm we left to Mina; headed directly to throw the stones, threw them and went to our tents. Mina was nearly empty at that time; most people have left after throwing their stones earlier today.

Dinner buffet was served at 11:15 pm; people had dinner; we were wondering how in god they could eat in such atmosphere. I got a mild asthma attack.

13 Jan 2006

We didn’t sleep at all last night. At 1:15 pm we went to throw the stones. And kept waiting for the buses to arrive. The man in charge told us that the buses will not arrive soon (Oh how kind of him to do. What a wonderful group).

We thought that it would be nice to check some street vendors and check what kind of products they are selling, as for me it was a good opportunity to take some photos.

After that we rented a mini bus and went to the camp. Had a freezing shower, my cousin made us coffee, we had it together and started packing.

At 7:00 pm we went to this mall that we discovered near our camp. It was a good one. I got my parents gifts from “Al Arabia le El Oud”, bought my sister a scarf and key chain from “Bedoun Esm”, her husband and my grand parents from “Al qurashi”, My brother and his wife from “Faces”, Loosh from “Nike”, Boodi from “ELC”.

After finishing shopping I received a call from my cousin “TF, where are you?” “Am near ELC” “Do you know where Faces is?” “Yeah” “Make it on your left side and go strait ahead” “Aha am walking” “Continue walking” “Oh God Starbucks” “Yeah hahahahaha” (You can see that I’ve got my coffee addiction from my mother side; all of my cousins are coffee addicts) I love them. I sat with my cousins and had too much coffee.

We went to the Camp at 10:30 pm. A truck came and took our luggage to Taif Air port.

14 Jan 2006

Still no sleep

At 2:00 am we went to the Holy mosque to do “Tawaf al Wada’a” our good bye.

It was very crowded so we went to the roof to do our Tawaf.

I and my angry cousin were walking together because the others were very slow.

We started saying our prayers while walking; suddenly my cousin started talking in a strange language !! “What are you saying?” “I’m half asleep I guess, but God understands”.

We finished a little before the Fajir “Dawn” Prayer call; we found a place and sat waiting for the others to finish.

My brother, cousin and his mother finished first; my other cousin and his wife finished after.

We all sat together waiting for the prayer to start; we prayed and went to wait for our “always on time bus”; for our surprise it was there; on time for the first time.

We sat on our regular seats and slept. I remember me waking up while the bus was stopping at a gas station and taking a picture of a sign. (Yes while sleeping).

I wake up again when arriving at Taif Airport.

They tell us that there will be a delay and that we will not fly before 1:30 pm.

I take three seats in the waiting hall and sleep. (Yes in a Saudi Airport in front of all)

1:00 pm they called for our flight.

We sat on our seats and slept.

My cousin wakes me up “Wake up we landed”.

I wake up; get out of plane; go get my luggage. I see a guy I know waving at me, he is my sister’s husband “Hi where is my sister” “Waiting for you at your Grandparents house”.

I go to my Grandparents house; I say hi to them, I say bye to them and head to Kuwait.

We arrived at 10:30 pm.

My mum was hugging me tight and crying “Oh you are skinny and pale, you look awful” “Thank you mum for your sweet complement”.

I had a HOT shower and went to bed for a 12 hours sleep نومه بضمير

Things to be mentioned Hajj was a great experience. The group I was with sucks and I still want my money back.

That doesn’t mean that all Saudi groups are bad. My partners were great; I really did enjoy their company. I have a new Saudi friend; we still are in contact. I appreciate my life more now. Thanks to Allah. There are too much poor Muslims around the world and they need our help.

switched off

2005-12-19T22:09:00.000+03:00

I have been trying to contact my mind, but when ever I try I get this message. “Your mind is switched off or out of the coverage area please try later”

The Journey

2005-12-16T10:42:00.000+03:00

I am a stubborn and sometimes selfish, or not. Well that what some people tell me. I am not easily convinced; still I don’t force my ideas. I like to live my life the way I want no matter what others want me to do. I don’t like to be forced to things even if they were right and like doing them; if it is not by my will I never do it. My life is decisions that I take by my self, and I hate to be controlled. I do seek for advice some times and do appreciate them. Sometimes fighting is not easy; sometimes I lose my strength, I have been so close to surrender but there were things that supplied me with strength. They were my tears long time ago but now they're my smile and laughter. Life is not easy and people are harsh. Dreariness is killing me, I am not sure if I could handle it anymore. I have no home and I don’t belong, and I have always been blamed for those feelings but it’s not my fault. The Journey by Mary Oliver never fails in making me feel good. One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice -- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do -- determined to save the only life you could save.

With or Against

2005-12-09T14:56:00.000+03:00

"Experiments on animals should be banned". "I can’t eat meat; those poor creatures have to be killed so we could eat them". "When I see a lady wearing a furrier coat I feel terrible and I want to go hit her". I can’t relate my self to any of the above quotes. I laugh when somebody say such things. This reaction (Laughing) might seem rude to some people; but I can’t resist. I am against anguish treatment and hunting for fun yet I believe that animals are here to serve humans; they are created to be eaten, to take their fur and make clothes and rugs of them, to use their waste for agricultural uses, to try medicines on them before using them on humans to see if it has any side affects, to pet them, use them for transparent needs, leave some of them live to retention the life cycle. If not, people will be eating VG food only which means Ra-1 will die from hunger, wearing tree leaves and not all look good in these, and trying medicines on other humans which means more nut heads. If we don’t use them they will be more animals than this planet could hold; and this planet is already full with useless humans.

Shopping skills

2005-12-08T13:33:00.000+03:00

Shopping with others is not a good thing to do. I went two weeks ago with my sister and cousin to find me a dress for my sister’s wedding party. Simple and elegant is what I want. My sister and cousin want me to get something different than I usually wear; they want me to change my style a bit. We met at 5 pm at a coffee shop and then went on our searching trip to five different places; when ever I choose something they say NO SO SIMPLE; IT’S YOUR SISTER’S WEDDING. When ever they choose something I say NOWAY I’M GONNA WEAR THIS. We go back home and I decide to go on a weekend morning after having my morning caffeine fix and with no shopping partners. And BINGO I find this simple, elegant, gorgeous dress that was made for TF to wear. The price was a bit more than what I decided to pay for the dress yet didn’t mind paying the extra money. And Here Is The Dress Like it? :P

Think

2005-12-07T21:54:00.000+03:00

What is he thinking of ?

A honeymoon and a reception

2005-12-05T18:19:00.000+03:00

Preparing for my sister's wedding party is bringing me to the edge of craziness. Last year when we were preparing for my brother's wedding party and knowing how much my poor dad had to pay; I told my father wouldn't it be better if you give him the money to buy him and his wife new cars and go for a two months honeymoon and he could invest the remaining amount for his future kids expenses. And now when coming to my sister it's getting crazy; though the groom will pay for major stuff, my father will still have to pay a huge amount to prepare my sister to be the best bride ever (Sure she will be). Last night while my mom and sister were writing the list of invitations, I was doing my puzzle and listening to the names that they will invite. God those are too many people to invite, too many people that will be with us in the same hall, too many people that will enjoy their time dancing, gossiping and eating, and my poor sister will be sitting there watching ugly faces with loads of makeup, people who will be talking about her most of the time, about if they liked her dress or not, about the wedding party if it was good or not, about if she was beautiful or not (She is no matter if they admit it or not), she will be nervous waiting for her groom to take her out of that hell. After getting all of these thoughts in my mind I told my mom: "A honeymoon and a small reception party when I am back; only my close friends and those who I like from your friends and relatives will be invited" my mom didn't reply, so I continued talking: "If I will not enjoy my own wedding party then no one should; it's mine and I am the one who should enjoy it" My mom wasn't glad about what I said, and she said: "It is about traditions and life style; people in our community celebrate their wedding parties like this and we can't be different or less" "By that it's the guests who are celebrating the wedding not the bride and groom; it makes no sense to me if I don't enjoy my own party" I replied. Then my sister starts talking: "I agree that I will not enjoy my wedding as I should, yet I might regret it if I didn't do a wedding party and I will feel happy when watching it recorded later". "I can't see any sense in that; it's something I don't get when paying huge amounts of money to please other people and show them that I could do better parties than they did and get some records of me in that party that supposed to be mine; smiling and pretending to be happy about it and welcoming the guests though I don't know most of them and don't like others and some don't like me and are gossiping about me, my sister and my mother; others are comparing between me and my groom as if it is a beauty contest and discussing the matter if we deserve each other or not. Going in a honeymoon together and then celebrating our happiness with people we love is much better than an expensive party, that money could be spent on better things; things that will return with benefits on me". No response from them so I continue doing my puzzle.

Pain

2005-12-03T20:11:00.000+03:00

A burning skewer finding its way in my body; and settles in my spine. Choosing its favorite organ and spinning through it. Waking me from my deep sleep with pain shocks so fast that I could not ignore; it’s growing and spreading; it's shrinking to settle again. Nightmares and strange dreams; sleeping and getting shocked; waking up and twisting. Getting up trying to reach the pain killer; it’s away so far away. Pain reduces; I go back to sleep and dream that I had my pain killer. Another shock but not as the ones before; a shock that made me sit and curve like a shrimp not knowing where the pain is, not knowing the source of it. I try to reach my mobile but can’t spread my arm enough to reach it. Suddenly it’s morning and I wonder if that was a dream, as soon as I try to get up, the pain shocks me again, I reach my pain killer and have two pills of it; wait in my bed curving like a shrimp until its gone. Nothing, until now. I wonder what that was. It’s not the strongest pain I’ve had yet the strangest.

No more rain

2005-12-01T18:36:00.000+03:00

I was searching for my umbrella, could not find it any where. WHO TOOK MY UMBRELLA ? Why do you want it? It’s not raining outside. I want to make sure that it will not rain. When ever I take my umbrella with me, it doesn’t rain. So I went last week and bought a new Umbrella and since then it’s sunny and good. It will not rain this year because I will take my magic umbrella with me where ever I go. Sorry but I hate rainy days.

I need a miracle

2005-11-30T20:24:00.000+03:00

I need to cry I need my tears to come down fresh I need them to be for this moment from this instant feeling I need them not to be expired I need them not to be from old memories I need them not to be from past attempts I need them to come down fresh I need them to come down warm I need them to come down warm to thaw the ice covering my heart I need them not to be cold to not shatter when it meets my burning soul I need them to come down fresh I need them flood and wash the hotness from my face I need them to come down fresh To wash the fears away I need them to come down fresh To wash the anger away I need them to come down fresh I need them to bring all the pain down I need them to come down fresh I need them to come down fresh Just once and then they could go away again I need them just once and they could never come back again I need them to come down fresh just once Once and never again Just once

For a while

2005-11-26T21:37:00.000+03:00

What is in my mind can’t be written. They are many thoughts that I have loaded my mind with. I have merged them to be one big thought. I would write it but if I start I will never finish writing, I will continue writing to an endless point. I will not write until this big thought becomes the many thoughts that could be written. I know you don’t understand. I don’t understand too.

In earth again

2005-11-24T19:44:00.000+03:00

يا ورد ... يا هوا ... يا نور شمس ما تنطفي يا صبح ... يا فجر ... يا نسيم يوم ما ينتهي يا فراش ...... ياطير طاير و في حضن السما مختفي أبي دربي ... أبي أرضي ... أبي أعرف وين أنتمي

It's not my fault

2005-11-22T12:17:00.000+03:00

While watching a video clip for Abudlmajid Abdullah for his lately released song غنوا لحبيبي. I said to my self in a voice that could be heard by who is sitting near me: "I will do the same for my daughter". "And where is she" my mom said "Someday she will come" I replied. My mom paused for a while and then said "When ever her father comes you kick him out of the door". "Her father didn’t show yet and maybe he will never do" A normal conversation that had became for some years now; When ever my mom finds the opportunity to start it she does. She always blames me for not getting married and having my own children. I admit that I share the responsibility of that and that I am a picky type yet it’s not my fault alone. I have some conditions that I will never renounce but they are all for the good of my future family and life. What my family has as conditions is what I don’t understand. "Family name". It never matters how good the guy is, well educated, well behaved and good aims he had. It is always the family name that comes first.

Tearing nights

2005-11-20T19:00:00.000+03:00

The sun came back, observing me, touching my face, feeling my tears. ''What went wrong? You were okay when I left you last time, why is this sadness in you?'' You left me with the night and its darkness You left me to sense the loneliness in its shades You left me alone to remember every bad memory in my life You made my tears fall on my heart and burn my soul ''Dearest True Faith, I have sent my rays through the moon to reflect them on you; to shine your night, to clear your thoughts and bring good memories to you'' I miss you dear sun I miss the whiteness in your clouds I miss your blue sky I miss your morning breeze I miss your singing birds I miss your dew on my flowers ''Come to me, and live in my rays''

Scrutinize

2005-11-20T11:19:00.000+03:00

Our eyes are one major way to knowing this world. Each one of us would not sense the meaning of colours and shapes if not for their eyes; hands might do a good job knowing shapes yet eyes are the perfect and normal way. A colour as red that we all call red; might differ from eye to another; not the sharpness of it or it’s brightness; the colour it self I meant. I know that this thought seems crazy and no way to be true. But we always say that people have different tastes in things they see or wear; what if it was they all have the same taste yet the different way of seeing the colours and shapes. What if what I see as red, you see as green, she sees as purple and he sees as yellow; all according to my way of seeing colours? What if what I see as a triangle with sharp edges you see as a circle also with sharp edges according to your way of seeing shapes? I know that this thought might make no sense to you? But think of it deeply and you might find the sense in it.

I belong in London

2005-11-19T19:07:00.000+03:00

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds. You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life. Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment... even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

You Are A Lily

You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist. People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you. You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words. Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.

What Flower Are You?

Your Element is Earth

Your power color: yellow Your energy: balancing Your season: changing of seasons Dedicated and responsible, you are a rock to your friends. You are skilled at working out even the most difficult problems. Low key and calm, you are happiest when you are around loved ones. Ambitious and goal oriented, you have long term plans to be successful.

What Element Are You?

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern. A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock. A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything. No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

White and Black

2005-11-19T09:38:00.000+03:00

A heart in a scientific point of view is not the source of emotions; it’s the brain, still I like to link emotions to the heart. A heart as I believe is white with a small black dot when a human is first created. The black dot is a combined of envy, hate, jealousy and evil; and this dot might grow according to the circumstances, environment, education, and life path. Which part will be stronger when two people meet each other; is what I have thought of a lot, I mean that if I meet "A" for example, I might like her from her smile or dislike her from her look; I might even avoid her after that for no reason, it’s like that my black part was stronger in that specific time or it might be that my white part has noticed her black part. And if both of our black parts have met; we might both have the same bad feelings toward each other. How can I control my self in such situations is to give the chance to my white part to meet A's white part, to seek for the goodness in her; and try as much as I could to give her white part enough time to begin searching for mine. I hope you all have a stronger white part in your hearts

You Want Rain, You got rain

2005-11-16T07:10:00.000+03:00

This weather is really scaring me. And there is no electricity; my coffee maker is not working. I and Ra-1 have decided to not go to work today (until the weather is settled). So; who wants to join us?

Flying deep

2005-11-15T18:11:00.000+03:00

A Sunny day it was when I started to seek for a lake I remember being there, some where in the forest near my hut. I have been away for some time and this lake would change its place from time to time and move following the sun rays. After two days of searching, I found it at last and kept tracing it to observe its movements and know where to find it when ever I need it again. The water was warm, pure and perfumed with the best fragrance ever. I started flying deep in it trying to reach it’s depth that I have never reached before. There always have been an opposite force that would push me back; the force is weaker this time, still I couldn’t reach it.

I smell winter

2005-11-15T11:12:00.000+03:00

I am not a fan of the winter, rainy, desert and gloomy season. But I have been smelling winter these days. Not good Well, I didn’t always hate it. When I was a little child (a cute one) I used to live in Sheffield in north England, it was a ghost city as Wass describes it. It is really cold there in all seasons especially in winter when it snows. I enjoyed doing a snow man and throwing snow balls at my brother who would start crying and go tell my mom (فتان). I was as Purg once commented a Paddington bear, I used to wear an overall snow coat, rubber boots (my boots were froggie boots with froggie eyes :P), ear cover, wool scarf and wool clothes; I used to wear that just to reach school or play outside. Then we moved to North London Cricklewood. It didn’t snow much as in Sheffield, but when it snows I, my brother, sister, two of my friends, one of my brother’s friends and our neighbour would go to play in a park near us; and do the ugliest snow man ever. In Central London it wasn’t fun at all in winter, it was always raining and when it snows it becomes filthy and grey. Winter in Kuwait is a desert winter; not much raining but really cold. And I am always ill in winter, I get the cold each time one of my family members gets it, and my asthma gets worse. Those clouds get me the gruffly feelings; I don’t go out much because I always feel it’s already sunset time. But once, all of my father’s family went camping in K.S.A’s desert for ten days and we joined them; we camped in the middle of the desert where no humans could be seen, it was freezing yet was fun.

Ugliness behind colours

2005-11-14T12:07:00.000+03:00

A face with no specific features; coloured with paints to hide the real identity of ugliness. To see the true them, just obtain an eye contact with there evil eyes. They have the evil souls that where planted by the devil him self on earth. Their souls have nothing; but hate and jealousy. Clowns are good in hiding what they really are by acting funny all the time. They could mislead humans to the right way of amusement. They are good in making humans believe that that fake laughter is true. Seek inside their eyes and you will see dead children and destroyed countries. Seek deeper and you will see hell and souls burning in it. They have no language and no nationality and they share the same aim of demolish. Related Memory: I was 9 and was invited to Sara’s Birthday party (our British –Egyptian neighbor’s). I came a little late because my school was so far from our house. After entering their house I was shocked to see this ugly creature standing their doing his silly acts and those innocent children laughing at him. I sat behind all the kids to avoid being close to him. He looked at me and said: "Hey… you Pakistani girl" "I am not Pakistani I am from Kuwait" I replayed. "What’s your name?" he said. I started stammering while saying my name and then he started imitating me and children started to laugh at me, it was really embarrassing. I went and sat on the couch near Sara’s handicapped brother Sami; he looked at me and started tapping on my head, then he said in his heavy not clear words "You have a beautiful hair"; I smiled to him and went home before blowing Sara’s candles.

Never Back

2005-11-12T09:03:00.000+03:00

Kuwait

Dubai

Abu Dhabi

Dubai

Kuwait

For more photos visit Fluent Image.

عيديه

2005-11-01T13:17:00.000+03:00

Eid is the best day of the year, at least to me. Yes I do enjoy that day and wait for it with expectation, though my family does not take it seriously as I do. I don’t like the money giving concept in Eid; I never give money as Eid gift as I didn’t enjoy that when I was a kid when spending our Eid holidays in Kuwait, I have always favored the gifts. My little brothers do enjoy the gifts I give to them more than other people’s money gifts, because it is different and has been specially bought and rapped for them. Eid is a gift from Allah to Muslims after the Holy month of blessings, forgiveness and disengage from hell. We should take this gift seriously and respect the true meanings of it, we should always put in our minds that God didn’t gift us this to lose what we gained in Ramadan, and we should use it to bonus our deeds and walk a farther step to heaven. Don’t replace your Ramadan deeds with Eid sins. I will be traveling soon to spend my Eid holidays some where in this world. Enjoy your Eid and wish me the same. عيدكم مبارك و عساكم من عواده

Without my coffee

2005-10-31T11:16:00.000+03:00

Boodi was wearing his hand made king crown and running all around the house shouting “I AM THE KING.. I AM THE KING.. I AM THE KING”. My brother stopped him and asked “Your majesty the king; where is your queen?” Boodi replayed “Dhari took my queen, and I will kill them both”. Shopping in Ramadan is the worst; I have not went shopping in Ramadan for years and this year I had to and what I have seen is a big shock; I didn’t know that there are that much people in Kuwait. When were they born and how fast do they grow. What is the possibility that a peaceful moment remains as it? I wish that my peace shall do for long. Pleasant days they were; clear images of my future and a suitable path to walk on. Many changes in my life will be in the coming months. I will be an aunt and my sister will get married and leave the house. I am so happy that I’ll be an aunt but not sure about my sister leaving the house, I will miss her a lot. Loosh was asking me yesterday while helping him with his homework “Why are we studying Rome and British history?” “Well, to know about other countries and learn from their experience to improve our selves and country”. If we didn’t learn the lessons from our own history how could we learn from others? Few days and Ramadan will go, will take its goods with it and leave. May God bring it again to us and give us more of its goods.

Say Hi

2005-10-29T21:01:00.000+03:00

Say hi to my new friend "???", I didn’t name her yet so just say hi.I saw her yesterday in that toys store while buying Boodi and Loosh their Eid gifts; she really did get my attention with those cute blue eyes and her wonderful smile, not toothy but beautiful. Daisy felt really jealous when he saw her, you could see it in his eyes, and he didn’t want to sit near her which made me put her in another corner of the room where he can’t see her. He is so special and no way she will take his place in my heart but it’s not easy to convince a teddy bear of that. I picked her because she reminds me of my old stuffed dolls; I wasn’t a fan of Barbie dolls though I used to get some as gifts. My sister used to take them to add them to her zombie collection, I used to call them like that because I always had this feeling that they were dead small people. and what made my feeling worse is that when ever she gets a new doll she would cut her hair and stick it up using glue, waits for it until it dries and spray it with colours, after that she would colour her eyes using a black pen, colour her cheeks using a red pen and colour her lips using a blue pen and then make them sit near each other in one of our room shelves. They really scared me especially at night when going to bed and looking at them sitting on that shelf staring at me. I remember begging her to put them in the drawer but she would refuse because she thought that they wouldn’t be able to breathe in there. Back to subject; say hi to my new friend and find her a name :)

When I die

2005-10-28T00:15:00.000+03:00

The thought of death is always in my mind. I always think of that moment when the angel of death will come to take my soul and leave my body to be graved in earth. I think of that moment and will I be able to say :

"أشهد أن لا إله إلا الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله"

or will it be heavy and my tongue won’t be able to say it. I think of how the angel of death will call my soul; will he say “come out, you evil soul” or will he say “come out, you good soul”. I think of my grave and its darkness, and the moment when they pour sand on me. I will never exist again in this world they will be no more me. People might forget me; and some might pray for me; others might never mention me again. After that I will go to where? Hell or Heaven. Hell, that will burn my body and will tear me into parts, pain will remain, might increase but will never reduce. Or maybe Heaven, where I have never imagined, that will be something much better than my fiction books, fairy tale movies and something I have never seen even in my never land.

اللهم إني أسألك حسن الخاتمه

I'm not stupid

2005-10-26T20:59:00.000+03:00

I could be kind to a ratty person; but if that person remains on that situation I could be the meanest you have ever met.

So don’t be mean to me to not show you my other face.

Something about nothing

2005-10-25T22:08:00.000+03:00

I have been trying to read but this buzzing thing kept flying around me and is not letting me concentrate. I yelled at it but it didn’t go away and kept buzzing and flying all around in my room. It’s freezing here. Well it has been like that all day, even at work. I wore a wool jumper today still felt cold. Boodi is not in the mood today. He was crying and shouting all day. I made it worse by calling him Loosh by mistake. He came to me and said “Did you call me Loosh” “Yes but I meant Boodi” I said, “My name is Boodi and this boy sitting over there is Loosh; OK” . I have to go shopping and get me an Eid outfit and get my family Eid gifts; and that must be done before Eid. When exactly? I am not sure; but Inshallah I will. Last night my mom had a غبقه “Ramadanish dinner” ,many ladies came; and they were asking my mom about my sister’s wedding and when it will be. The thing that really irritated me is their non - stopping "الفال لج"and "شدي حيلج إخوانج الصغار اتزوجو و انتي لي الحين قاعده". Excuse me, but I don’t remember me complaining about that; or asking you to take me to live with you in your house because my family doesn’t want me any more. Our Eid holidays trip has been planned and everything is booked; it will be amazing. I have a wonderful father يا حلوه. I am so excited about it; can’t wait.

Briefly me

2005-10-24T10:26:00.002+03:00

Ra-1 طقتني

2005-10-23T14:17:00.000+03:00

Seven things I plan to do: 1. Pass the three levels of CFA. 2. Read more in my major. 3. Find a new job. 4. Travel around the world and never settle. 5. Have Nora, Sara and Khalid :) 6. Find a dress for my sister's wedding. 7. Making my boss deaf by sticking a pen in his ear. Seven things I can do: 1. Read for six hours. 2. Swim 3. Do a 5000 pieces puzzle in one week. 4. Make my mom angry without meaning it. 5. Travel for more than a month with only one small luggage bag and come back with no additional weight. 6. Convince Ra-1 in my opinion of someone. 7. Drink more than 13 mugs of coffee and not die. Seven things I can't do: 1. Sit with my sister in one place and not laugh. 2. Love my Boss. 3. Stay in a dark place. 4. Sleep without Daisy. 5. Smile when I don't want to. 6. Not smile when I want to. 7. Cry. Seven things I say most often: 1. whatever 2. أيش ? 3. No way. 4. Pardon 5. Sure 6. Tiso Tiso (A secret word that I and my sister invented) 7. I need coffee. Seven people I want to pass this tag to: 1. Sarpanch 2. NUNU 3. Tarek Amr 4. Sponty 5. Judy Abott 6. Blossom 7. Eb9ara7a

Day Dream: Nora

2005-10-21T15:55:00.000+03:00

It’s a girl. A wonderful girl will be born some day. She will look like her mom but much prettier. Her eyes will be wide her lenses will be dark, a silky brown hair and gentle thin fingers she will have. She will cry when she’s hungry and will be fed love and tender. Her name will be Nora and her mom will be me. A loving mother and a gorgeous daughter, a wonderful match we will be. I will quit my job and gift her my time, I will stay with her all day and night. I will hold her in my arms until she sleeps. I will put her in her carriage and go out with her; every body will want to pick her up. She will be so cute that every body would like to have a similar one as she. When she’s 6 months old she will start saying “Mama”. I will rush to bring my video camera to record this event, and will cry after that. On her first birthday, I will be so happy that I will thraw her a party. it will be the best party ever, only children with no maids will be invited and people with Disney classics characters costumes, no clowns will be involved because she will be a clown frearful child. She will walk like a ducky. I will buy her fluffy dresses to be remarkable when she walks. She will stumble in her walk and sometimes she will fall, and when that happens she will search for me and start crying calling “Mama”. I will run to pick her up and will hit the floor as revenge. She will smile again and start walking her ducky walk. My daughter will start going to school when she’s 4. I will wake her up every morning, will change her cloths, fix her breakfast and feed her my self. I will take her to school and will pick her at the end of the day. I may take her for lunch before going home. I will read for her the books she chose. I will never sing for her to not spoil her taste. I and she will travel around the world; I will teach her the history of each country we visit. I will teach her swimming. And will get a 5 mega pixel camera to start with. Sorry I have to wake up now; my brother is calling me :P

One Whole Year

2005-10-19T09:26:00.000+03:00

Dear Blog; We’ve spent a whole year together, 159 current posts, 7 Draft posts, and much more of my happiness, anger, shame, guilt, love, smiles, laughter, joy, sadness, madness, confusion, and faith. All of those made me know that what I feel and think of could be said and listened to; it made me recognize that my voice could reach farther than my mind, soul and heart. Dear Blog; Before you existed in my life, I believed that I had good thoughts and always wanted to express them to others, I always wanted to share what I thought of with others and get reasonable replies on them. I always wanted to say what I really felt without the need to switch words or struggle to say the ones I want. I wanted to express my feelings and believes without people ridiculing me or calling me crazy. Dear Blog; I have discovered that my thoughts could be organized without an excel sheet. I now could know what was I thinking of months ago and how was my mood on a specific day. Dear Blog; Before you existed, I have never shouted my pain out. I have never said that it hurts when I stammer, and never showed my weakness. For those who knew me before it was a shock to know that I could be weak and would beg for tears. All what I have shown before you is a smiley, cold blooded and heartless person; a person that will never show what she really felt. Dear Blog; You made me discover that there are good people in this planet that will listen to me without judging me. Thank you for giving me the supportive and caring friends. I have discovered a new way of communication, a way that will never need my doddered tongue. Dear Blog; You made me seek deep inside me and discover that I have more than I know; I can do more than I believe I could. I have also discovered that some of my faiths are nothing but illusions and chasing them is a waste of time. Dear Blog; I am sorry if I loaded you with my frustration and anger; and sorry if I made you hurt anybody without you wanting to. I am sorry if I made someone never come back to read the posts in you because of some harsh words I wrote. Dear Blog; You made my fantasies become reality; you made my daisy talk, you made me fly, made my tongue fluent. You made me travel to another world like Judie Foster in Contact. You made me enter the drawings like Marry Poppins. And swim deep with the fishes like the little mermaid. Dear Blog; I have changed a lot since you entered my life. I have got rid of some of my bad habits that I have recognized because of you. I have reduced my coffee drinking. I spend more time with my family when I am at home instead of reading all the time or doing my puzzles. I write what ever I feel in your pages or in my dairy to diminish my frustration. Dear Blog; ما أذكر متى ما كنت بحياتي Yours truly True Faith

قرقيعالوين

2005-10-17T22:53:00.000+03:00

I used to celebrate "قرقيعان" with my family’s friends in "National Union of Kuwait Students in London" and with some Kuwaiti, Saudi, Emeriti and Qatari friends of mine that used to join us in such occasions. My aunt used to post us "قرقيعان" costumes every year. We sang all night until our throats were tired to get our treats. One year we went to Kuwait during that time (I think it was Christmas holidays which we really enjoy in England; all the colourful lights and decorated trees and houses). My cousins were really excited about "قرقيعان" and they were ready to do their tour around the area; I didn’t understand why they would do that, so I went to ask my mom about it and she said they do it here like Halloween. WAW, two Halloweens in one year. I joined them, and after reaching few houses I got bored; nothing interesting about it, no scary costumes, no decorations and the treats were not the type I was expecting. It seems that Boodi is really enjoying "قرقيعان". He invented a dance for it, a funny one that he does while singing in his tour.

Hush me

2005-10-15T11:20:00.000+03:00

O.K. I may be weird and people hate my way of thinking. Maybe I am wrong to them and they never respected my opinions. Maybe, just maybe they don’t like me and want to replace me with another person that is similar to them. Or just they don’t like my way of talking that they want to hush me quickly. It might be that they like me but if I would be adjusted to the ideal person in their minds. Either than the person I am, I will never be.

Random mania

2005-10-12T11:01:00.000+03:00

CFA vs. Time management: 7 books to be finished before November (إي إنشاالله) and I have to attend a review course before the test which is on December. Another delay it will be. It’s my third delay now. Longest week ever: This week is the longest week ever; those hours have lost their sense; an hour is 200 minutes instead of 60. Please hours stop fooling around. Eid clothes: I usually buy my Eid clothes before Ramadan; but didn’t this time and really don’t want to go shopping during Ramadan. So it will be one store that I will go to, only one and will buy anything from there. Eid in Kuwait: Eid holidays to be spent in Kuwait. No way Gaining weight: My mother’s daily argument in Ramadan. This time I think she is right. I lost 4 KG from the beginning of Ramadan until yesterday. A new job: I have been thinking about it for sometime now. I am still young for a heart attack or to go to jail, because if I stay longer I will surely kill him. Ramadan is Food: What is it with Ramadan and food? I don’t get it. People are either eating or talking about food. I'm engaged: a rumor was spread between my friends that I was engaged. One of them text messaged me "Mabrook" and another one called and congratulated me, when telling them that this wasn’t true they seemed to be sure. I asked them who told them that and who was the lucky guy, but they refused to tell me and never called since (This happened two weeks ago). I have sent them a Ramadan sms but none replayed ???!!!

Mounting to reach

2005-10-05T12:01:00.000+03:00

To reach the top I have to climb that snow mountain; that what I have been taught. People around me always made me think that the harder I work the better the results will be. But life taught me that a clever person would do it the safe way. A snow mountain is slippery and cold; why climb it if I prefer beaches and warm sands. I'm never weak without people, I'm stronger.

مبارك عليكم الشهر

2005-10-04T09:37:00.000+03:00

Ramadan vs. Coffee addiction

2005-10-03T09:17:00.000+03:00

Is there a solution for coffee addicts in Ramadan? Yes there is, but let me first tell you what happens to a coffee addict in the first 2-4 days of Ramadan. A coffee addict who is used to get his/her caffeine fix every morning will get the withdrawal symptoms in the first days of Ramadan, he/she might suffer from head aches, bad mood (very bad), back teeth pain (well I get those), loss of concentration which might affect their way of thinking and no way you will see them smiling. The only solution is to wait for the Maghrib (Sunset) prayer call and then drink coffee. كل عام و أنتم بخير

First day at home

2005-10-02T09:25:00.000+03:00

My plants were as I left them, beautiful and bloomy. I cleaned the shelves from dust and organized my books on them. Daisy was happy to come back; he is alive again and can talk though he doesn’t have a mouth. Life here is peaceful and calm, air is pure and water is clean. After cleaning my house and tidying things I sat in the balcony contemplating in space. Looking at earth from up here wondering (why did I go there in the first place?).

التين و الزيتون

2005-09-28T09:35:00.000+03:00

I have this friend and I promised her that I will not mention who she is (Hint: she is Ra-1). This friend of mine has Food Phobia, but only from the sweet, gentle, and harmless food. She gets terrified when seeing something green in her plate. All of her orders are deducted ones. Once I was eating a Fig, and when she saw it in my hand her face features started to change, well to be honest I started to play wicked with her and torn it in half slowly showing her its violet seeds. "How could you eat this thing?" she said, "Like this" putting it in my mouth and chewing it. I usually have for Dinner what my family had for lunch. When I arrived home yesterday and had my dinner, my mom was out, she called to ask me if I had my dinner or not, well she does that all the time but the strange thing was when I told her yes she said "Was it good? did you like it?". "Yes, why? did you cook it?" I said. "No, I just want to know if you liked it". To be honest I didn’t care, to me it was food that I have to eat at that time but I told her “yes I did”. When she arrived she told me that the cook added sugar instead of salt in it and that they all didn’t eat it. (No comments on that please) Boodi is the strangest kid according to Ra-1’s Ops I mean my friend’s food taste. Boodi must have his green salad dish at 5:00 pm and adds to it Olive oil. He likes eating vegetables and fruits.

I'm not there

2005-09-26T19:49:00.000+03:00

Since leaving my planet years ago, I have been thinking of how to acclimate in this planet called Earth. My lungs wasn’t well functioned to the lack of pure air in this planet, I had to seek for it under water from time to time to balance the Oxygen in my body.

Winter is coming soon; it would be too cold to swim during it. Instead I went back to my planet, it has been long since I last came here, my house is dusty and needs to be cleaned and tidied again.

I may not go there again. You can always find me here.

Snow

2005-09-25T19:18:00.000+03:00

I have this odd drift of dividing my books to atmospheres and seasons. I would divide them to winter, summer, beach house, waiting and before bed books. I do that to match each book to the mood I think I would be in at that place or time. Some books for example are so full of emotions that would be beautiful to read in the early morning hours at the beach house, and some are easy to understand without complete concentration that would be good to read while waiting. A book that I have got weeks ago is a January book, at the beach house, in a weekend, at 5:00 am, covered with a wool blanket, drinking hot mocha and choosing a character to be me. Although I don’t like winter, I really can’t wait to start reading this book.

Perfection

2005-09-21T09:17:00.000+03:00

A Person is a vintage of many elements as religion, culture, family, tradition, school, wealth and many others. Those factors made each one of us different than the other in many ways. The definition of perfection or the term of a perfect person differs from one to another. So I will write what I believe is a perfect person. The highest scores in anything is not perfection to me. To me it’s the lower plausible score that makes a person perfect. Highest scores means that there will be nothing to work for in the future and nothing to dream of achieving. The “no mistakes” person is never perfect to me. To me mistakes and some not major sins make a person perfect. Mistakes make them have things in life to fix and experience to learn from. Perfection to me is to be not perfect. * The picture is a perfect scene that is made of sewage water.

I want to

2005-09-18T11:23:00.000+03:00

Have a cup of coffee

At the Bosphorus

Now

OUCH

2005-09-17T11:19:00.000+03:00

Those small devils that I have at home are so obsessed with rap and rappers; they dress like them and sing their songs. I have been trying to take their CDs and hide them or throw them but with no use, they will go and buy new ones. I tried to talk to them about how not suitable those songs are for their age; but with no use, especially Boodi who would tell me: “Well, you’re not our mom”. Last Wednesday I heard that little brat call Loosh with the “F” word. Oh God, I was really shocked so I shouted at him: “How dare you”. “And what is your business” he said it in the rudest way (he shocks me with his words), “Well I am your oldest sister and I care about you” I paused, waiting for his reply, but he didn’t say anything looking at me waiting for other words “and this word you said is not a good word” I said. “SO” he said, “You should not use it”. “Well, you are not my mom to tell me what to do” he said while he was pointing his finger at me. A six years old boy, with such attitude isn’t good. I told my parents about it, so my father talked to them for a while and the conversation led to that my father will listen to the CDs before they do and if there is any such words he will not give it to them. And if he knows that any of them used such words he will be punished. That was fair enough to Loosh but to Boodi it wasn’t, because he knew that this means that my father will throw all of his CDs. So he came to me and said “You should shut up”. OUCH

أغلى من روحي

2005-09-14T21:22:00.000+03:00

Me and my sister are the only daughters of my father, the rest are boys. He prefers us than the boys; it’s so obvious in his way of treating us like princesses, the choice is always ours, what we wish we always have. The other loving side in my father is his different personality. He has a serious personality and so strict, but when it comes to his family he is the most caring person and has a wonderful sense of humor. My father never wants me and my sister to get married, he wants us with him. When ever somebody proposes, my mom tries to convince me but my father always says she is still young or that guy is not that good for her. Once my mom was begging my father to convince me so what he did is say “Dear, I know that this guy is not good enough for you and that his family is different than ours and that you may not live with him as you are living with us, but I think you should marry him”, so I refused and sure that my father wanted me to do. When my sister was engaged I could see how unhappy he was, he faked it. He is so jealous of her fiance. I think he is afraid that some body may take his daughters from him. I would say to him "Don’t worry ". محد في هالدنيا يسوى ظفرك I and my father differ a lot, we have different views in life, culture, tradition and business; but he always respect my thoughts and never force his. The strange thing is people always tell me that I am so similar to him. Once while traveling; it was night and we (Me and my sister) were so exhausted; and when we get exhausted we become so crazy, we laugh all the time and at any thing (like drunk) I think it’s a genetic thing. We were laying in bed at our hotel room and my father came to say good night, before leaving our room he looked at us in the most gentle and emotional way and said: "My daughters; what am I to you?"; we looked at each other and said: "An ATM hahahahahahaha", we always do that (talk the same thing); he laughed and went to his room after kissing us. He didn’t ask us this question again; but if he did I would say: "You are the air I breathe"

What a conversation

2005-09-13T09:18:00.000+03:00

I had an appointment yesterday, and yes I was waiting as usual. There was an old man who has a look of a mid 60 Bedouin man. I was reading a book while he was gazing me. Then he asked me

Old man: “السلام إختي” “Hi sister” Sister???? I look like his granddaughter.

TF: “و عليكم السلام” “Hi”

OM: “عسى ما شر شتشكين منه؟” "What is your illness?"

TF: I told him

OM: ”إيييييييييه ... ما تشوفين شر.... أنا شايفج هني قبل شهر” “May you not be harmed …. I saw you here a month ago”

TF: “آخر زياره لي هني كانت قبل ثلاث سنين” “My last visit was three years ago”

OM: “إمبلا آنا شايفج هني قبل شهر” “I am sure I saw you here a month ago”

TF: “OK” I wasn’t in Kuwait a month ago ?!?!

Then I continued reading my book again. (Two minutes later)

OM: “يا إختي إنتي طويله حيل” “Sister … You are very tall” He said it in away as if it was a disease I had or something bad !!!

I paused a little after that

TF: “إيه ... الله لا يبلاك” “May you not be cursed like that”

OM: “إي و الله” “I hope not” I am not very tall I am just taller than him.

We both paused for a while. OM: “ألحين الحضر قامو يتزوجون بدو و البدو قامو يتزوجون حضر” “Now urban are marrying Bedouins and Bedouins are marrying urban “ I can see what question is this leading to :P OM: “إنتي بدويه و إلا حضريه؟” “Are you an Urban or a Bedouin?” I know that my accent was a bit weird to him.

TF: “إنت شرايك؟” “Guess?” I like this question :P OM: “و الله يا إختي , لهجتج ما دري شلون صايره. مو بدويه و لا حضريه و بعض كلامج سعودي و تقرين كتاب إنجليزي” “Your accent is strange; It’s not Bedouin and not Urban and also you have some Saudi words; and you are reading an English book” At that moment I couldn’t hold my self from laughing. TF: Was trying to explain to him my accent.

And then came this lady wearing a Burka (Face cover where only the eyes are shown) and she was looking at me in away as if she wants to kill me; and when looking at the husband again his face was giving all kinds of colours; I guess he wasn’t allowed to talk to a strange lady.

P.S. What is written in green is a translation specially done for Wass and Sarpanch. And what is written in blue are my thoughts.

Bits and Pieces

2005-09-11T08:10:00.000+03:00

Dirty beaches and oil spots all over the beach has ruined my mood in that long weekend. I did not swim in the sea and didn’t enjoy my morning walks. Very disgusting.

He came to me yesterday to tell me “I want to tell you something but if you promise me that you will not tell”. I was so excited to know what is that secret that Boodi has “Ok I promise; I will not tell” I said. “I love a girl in my class” and his face was blushing, he looked so cute, I opened my eyes wide “Is she Maryoom”, “No way” he shouted “She is Hanan, the girl with golden hair, but she doesn't know”. Oh god he is only six.

I want to go to Dubai. My last visit was on February.

A good theater is a must in Kuwait. Why don’t we have a good theater here in Kuwait, I was discussing this matter with my father last week and he said that we have to get good theater writers and directors to get a good theater. Is it true that we don’t have them in Kuwait?

Loosh and Boodi had their first major fight last week with some boys renting a beach house near ours, Loosh came to tell my father the details of the fight and how he and Boodi beat those older boys with some movements that they have learned from the wrestling Play Station games. Boodi was crying and talking at the same time “see Baba see, you have to buy us more of those games”.

September's edition of National geographic magazine is amazing. (Africa: Whatever you thought, think again)

An empty island

2005-09-10T10:13:00.000+03:00

I had an appointment on Thursday morning and while waiting (as always) I met an Asian lady who started talking about her life and I was listening to her carefully waiting for some useful words, until they came out of her mouth directly to my heart. “I can’t change people but can avoid them" When she ended that sentence; I was no more listening to her.

The man

2005-09-07T10:31:00.000+03:00

I like this man who was always a person of few words and more acts. He acted towards his dreams and never was a quitter; I know that I have to look to his life more and how he acted to reach his dreams before taking any other quitting decisions. But TF is not him.

"Vision without action is merely a dream

Action without vision merely passes the time

Vision with action can change the world"

Nelson Mandela

quotable

2005-09-05T11:48:00.000+03:00

I added a new mug to my mugs collection. But this Mug differs from the other mugs I already have, it has a wonderful quote written on it; well I always wanted a quotable mug but didn’t find much while traveling, so I made a research in the internet for quotable mugs and found a big collection of mugs in quotable ; I located it and found that they have a branch in London. I went there and got me one.

The Quote is: Life is not measured by the number of breaths that we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away And this mug took my breath away

Reading in History

2005-09-04T15:23:00.000+03:00

To read in History; you must be neutral and use more than one source to read. A source which belongs to the historical event it self and another that has another view of it. I usually buy two books talking about the same event; but two different writers with two different backgrounds and views. This makes it clearer and makes me less bigoted to a certain view or opinion. At the end I still have doubts about what I read, if it was correct, if there was something not mentioned and if the writer was exaggerating or not. Still, reading in History is fun.

I quit

2005-09-04T12:44:00.000+03:00

I quit it all. A quitter I maybe called, and shame is what I feel now; but it’s better than all the pain I have been feeling after failing every try I have done. I choose shame because it’s a matter of how people look at me, and of that I will not care anymore. Shame will give me a life with less people, less talking and communicating. Living alone you might think, well I have always lived my pain alone, so what difference it will make. I prefer it as I lived it the past three weeks; I enjoyed reading, swimming, writing to my e-pals, watching Movies, spending more time with my family and talking less. I ignored all my phone calls (Sorry for those who were hurt by that but it was for a purpose). I will not gather with my college group if they were more than two and no more family gatherings. No it is not wrong; this is a life that I have chose for my self and I am happy with it. P.S. Ra-1 and Wass, you are not allowed to discuss this with me.

قصة وردة

2005-09-04T09:22:00.000+03:00

بكت الوردة و أجهشت بالبكاء

فأتت الورود و الفراشات سواء

تسأل الوردة ما بها

ردت الوردة: لم يعد في الغابة ماء

فأفضت دمعي ليكون لي سقاء

هل في حزن قررت أن تعيش الحياه ؟

Prayers from heaven

2005-09-02T16:24:00.000+03:00

When the prophet PBUH ascended to the skies meeting the messengers and prophets who were sent to people in other lands at other times; at the highest sky he met the Creator of them all. What was he sent there for? From Mecca to Jerusalem and from there to the skies; a journey that people of Mecca called him crazy for. He was sent to meet Allah to talk to Allah with no messenger and no inspiration between them. The obligation of prayer is one of the five elements of Islam. Five times a day to be in contact with Allah with no intermediate as it was with no intermediate when God told the prophet PBUH to ask his people to pray. He told him that in the highest sky.

Enjoy

2005-08-31T14:10:00.000+03:00

Have a wonderful long weekend

First then After

2005-08-31T09:09:00.000+03:00

A clever person

knows what his/her

priorities are.

What to do FIRST.

What to do AFTER.

Skin colour plaster

2005-08-30T11:09:00.000+03:00

I will cover it with a skin colour plaster to keep it dry and clean; and radically, to keep it away from my eyes. It will pain some times; if that happens I will try to take my attention to some thing else. If that didn’t work, I will press on it tightly and that might help. It might bleed again through time; if that happens I will clean it and cover it again. I can’t heal it, I know. I will cover it with a skin colour plaster and keep it away from my eyes. Maybe then “some day” that wound will heal by it self.

Don't try this at home

2005-08-29T11:44:00.000+03:00

I was drinking a cup of coffee when suddenly I choked; the coffee went through the trachea instead of going through the pharynx and from there to my lungs I guess. What was amazing in that is after coughing and getting my breathing to normal again I had this wonderful feeling of coffee when breathing, I can smell it very strongly like if I was breathing coffee instead of air. A wonderful choke it was.

Excel use

2005-08-28T18:06:00.000+03:00

As a permanent user of Excel I am, I use it now for every listing thing in my life not only work; My personal expenses sheet, to do list, books to read, and much other uses that I figure out every day. Excel is not only a listing sheets or formulas program as many people think, it could also be a way to spend time when you are bored and have nothing to list or calculate. YOU CAN DRAW WITH IT By minimizing the cells and filling them with colours.

Straying again

2005-08-27T15:23:00.000+03:00

A tree was shading on her head A book was there in her hands Her eyes were going left and right Chasing the words in that page

Straying again; as always Dreaming of those in this book

She traveled for long distance

And flew on clouds

Traveling to their land and wearing their clothes Talking their words and maybe more

She was the princess

And sometimes the orphen A boy she was for one day A beautiful Hazara or an Arab girl

A choice of her's that would be

A wonderful moment could be destroyed When someone from outside her dream would call

Lessons from life

2005-08-27T12:07:00.000+03:00

Crystal and Hematite are two girls that lived in the same neighborhood and went to the same school, every afternoon they would go play together. They would play hide and seek, climb trees, eat berries and lay on the wet grass. After every afternoon Crystal would go home with a disappoint look on her face, because of the filthiness and dirt on her white dress which had berry red and black spots and green spots from laying on the wet green grass. In the other hand Hematite never cared. Once Hematite asked Crystal “Why are you feeling like that every day?”, “Can’t you see the spots all over my dress” Said Crystal , “Well wear a black dress as mine and you will never see the spots again”.

Tagged By NUNU

2005-08-27T08:17:00.000+03:00

I have been tagged by Sweet NUNU. 10 years ago: I wore a Hijab for the first time. 5 years ago: I had my asthma because of a Lungs disease I had earlier that year. 1 year ago: I told my Mom "I love you" Tomorrow: Always better than today. Three snacks I enjoy: 1. Coffee :p 2. Ice-Cream. 3. Fruits. Three bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs: 1. Fayrooz. 2. Abdelhaleem Hafez. 3. Mohammed Abdu. Three things I'd do with $100,000,000: 1. Travel 2. Travel 3. Travel Three locations I'd like to run away to: 1. England 2. Istanbul. 3. Spain. Three bad habits I have: So many that I can't count. Three things I like doing: 1. Read. 2. Swim at dawn. 3. Day dream. Three things I will never wear: 1. Three Quarter sleeves with Hijab. 2. Pants under a skirt or a dress. 3. Make up for no occasion. Three TV shows I like: 1. Charmed. 2. Mad about you. 3. Friends. Three movies I like: 1. Contact. 2. Harry Potter. 3. Marry popins. Three people I'd like to meet: No body; I have enough people in my life, I don't want to meet more. Three biggest joys at the moment: 1. Being alone at a quiet and peaceful place. 2. Loosh and Boodi. 3. Reading. Three favorite toys: 1. Daisy. 2. My Camera. 3. My Books. I'am Tagging: 1. Purg. 2. Sarpanch. 3. Hibba.

2005-08-24T14:33:00.000+03:00

Have a nice weekend

What to choose?

2005-08-24T08:38:00.000+03:00

Shame or Pain

Floating Thoughts

2005-08-23T09:17:00.000+03:00

Walking in Regents Park; listening to Fayrooz through my i pod’s head sets, thinking of nothing. Wonderful moments they were before my thoughts were floating again. Thought 1: I was thinking of my brother and what he have told me; he told me that I am a hopeless person, weird and not living my life as I should. He thinks that I am crazy in some way, and that my personality is so different than anybody else. He thinks that my opinions about traditions and how much I think that they are a stupid man made ideas, is wrong. Thought 2: Why it wouldn’t be a smile as first expression for a human instead of crying? Does it mean the first feeling was “fear” or “anger”; why isn’t it “love” or “happiness”? Thought 3: Why am I afraid of commitment and marriage? I have a good example of happy marriage in my house. Why is it that feeling that I will not be happy in that kind of life, and that I will get hurt if I did? Thought 4: Where is home?

Hunger Alarm

2005-08-22T08:53:00.000+03:00

I could die starving without knowing !! I don’t have the hunger alarm any more; it had disappeared from my nerve system. Not having the taste of food was not a problem that I cared about really, because all what I cared about in that situation was to fill my stomach with what ever food I find without caring what it tastes. But now and for months I haven’t felt hungry, how could I know that I need to be fed if I don’t feel it? Head aches is all what I feel when not eating my meal on it’s time. One day I had an apple juice and a cup of coffee at 6:00 am, and forgot to eat my lunch (yes forgot; I always do that) and stayed until 5:00 pm without eating any thing, after that head aches started so I had a couple of pain killers which made my stomach aches start. What to do? Call mom … “mom I have bad head aches and stomach aches” I said, “Oh dear, what did you eat?” mom replied, “Huh …. Nothing” I said, “What are you? a camel” Mom said.

My trip

2005-08-21T08:24:00.000+03:00

Hello every body; I really did miss you alot. My vacation was great; I did enjoy every moment of it. And now I will give you a brief of it through the following photos (I don't feel like writing today). Istanbul; the best city in the world. This was my first day shopping in London. My second day shopping was from Waterstones book store and books etc. book store. I didn't get any thing for me from here; only gifts for my family. This pigeon was joining me for a cup of coffee in Starbucks. Those beauties were every where. This book was a gift from my dear friend Wass; thank you Wass I read it all in one day under that tree :) Inside this box there is a book; when I saw it I remembered Bo ghazi, why? I don't know :P Purgy's penguins were following me where ever I went :P For more Pictures visit Fluent Image :)

Happy Birthday Purgy

2005-08-09T00:03:00.000+03:00

Happy Birthday Purgy

I wish you a happy life :)

On Vacation

2005-07-27T08:05:00.000+03:00

I will miss you

True Faith is On Vacation

Soon it will be

2005-07-26T13:32:00.000+03:00

No more waiting for my turn. It will be me who will act first. Staying at my place waiting for the opportunities to come to me, is not a thing I am used to do. I was born to search for answers as I always did. Soon I will start to search again and the opportunities will be built by me. So wait and see that day will come, it is near and no farther. I will step out of my boat very soon. ______________________________ This picture has been taken by Sam Abell a national geographic photographer.

Bing Bang Bong

2005-07-25T20:15:00.000+03:00

Stimulus in a weak body could cause an explosion in mood and way of thinking. Acting as I am these days may cause to my death … not really dieing as no more life or breathing. A death of another kind… feelings maybe. I have been thinking in the messiest way ever … I am reading three books together without concentrating. I have been watching the same movie for four days, which means in total of more than seven times. No night sleeps.. And morning sleeps means headaches. And today at work I refused any assignment given to me by my supervisor. My mood has been shifting …. Bing Bang Bong…. Like a bouncing ball. You know what … I think this isn’t bad at all.

To Ra-1

2005-07-25T11:47:00.000+03:00

Where am I ?

2005-07-23T19:50:00.000+03:00

Sometimes I wake up wondering, where am I? What am I doing here? I want to be me … living my life as I want … not here. I don’t belong here. I want to leave. I want to live.

2005-07-23T09:15:00.000+03:00

Wonderful